he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize