I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
