He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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