She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
