I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can text with my tongue
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
