i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
