FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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