maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
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He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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