You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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