if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
