Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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