All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
