he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
