we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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