I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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