please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
