Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
