you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
