we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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