I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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