well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
