Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
