Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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