i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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