Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
