I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I AM VODKA MAN
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
