don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize