And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
