the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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