Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
