Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
