My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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