I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
