he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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