haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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