Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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