yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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