Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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