there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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