honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
