I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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