and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
