i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Two words: nipple clamps
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