I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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