but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
