New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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