You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
