Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my god I love twenty year old dicks
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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