My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
