Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
