Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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