I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
