just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
false alarm. still invincible.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
