to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
