no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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