I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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