Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
