She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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