Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
