Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
