Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize