im about as happy as oj after his trial
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
