Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
