Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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