Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
