My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
