Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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