I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
