i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
