i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
