i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
