I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
