She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
