Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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