Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
