he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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