The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
