If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
