i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
