i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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